In a previous dru’s musings post my series character, former teen idol Sandy Fairfax, introduced himself. Today one of the supporting characters from “The Sinister Sitcom Caper” tells how he got involved with Sandy’s sleuthing.
Hey, you, I’m down here. Yeah, that’s right. I’m Joseph Graves, a dwarf. Let me tell ya, for a littler person in a world build for average people, it’s no picnic. Ever have a sales clerk direct you to the kid’s department just because of your size?
Dwarfism is caused by any one of 200 medical conditions, so we’re all different. When talking about us, one size doesn’t fit all. You can refer to us as “little people” or “dwarfs.” But if you call me a “midget,” “shorty,” “shrimp” or “Munchkin,” I’ll see red.
My parents are both average people. My dad never accepted me. Had me on all kinds of weird diets and in exercise programs to make me grow. Didn’t work. He finally left mom and me for a young bimbo so he’d finally get himself a big boy.
Growing up the other kids didn’t let me play sports with them, so I spent my time watching TV and movies. I admired all those great dwarf actors: Michael Dunn, Billy Barty, David Rappaport, Herve Villechaize, Kenny Baker, etc. Seemed to me Hollywood was a place where a guy my size could find work and acceptance. I headed west to go into acting so that any time my dad turned on his TV and saw me, he’d throw a fit.
It’s been tough finding work where I don’t play a freak or a Santa elf. Right now I’m in a stupid family sitcom called “Off-Kelter.” It’s the lowest rated TV show in the 1993 fall season, which gives you an idea of the quality of the show. Hey, a job’s a job.
On the show I play the Kelter’s next-door neighbor who has the hots for the family housekeeper, Miss Tucker, badly played by the worst actress and meanest person in the business, Elsie Bloom. Takes all of my acting skill to appear lovey-dovey towards that battleaxe.
One day during rehearsals Elsie drops dead, just like that. Best thing she ever did for the show. But she was just as annoying in death as in life. Our guest star of that episode, washed-up teen idol Sandy Fairfax, starts nosing around. He thought she was murdered, which would narrow the suspects to the entire roster of the Screen Actors Guild.
Sandy roped me into helping with his investigation. First he had me sneaking into a locked office to snoop on a clandestine meeting. Then we were nearly killed in a death trap set in the studio backlot. Working with this Sandy character can be murder.
To find out how I helped catch the killer, you’ll have to read The Sinister Sitcom Caper. Oh yeah, Sandy’s mentioned in there a few times. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go smoke a cigar.
The Sinister Sitcom Caper is available in print on Amazon and bn.com and in ebook on Kindle. The story was inspired by the author’s experience of working as a tour guide/page for Paramount Pictures.
Meet the author
Sally Carpenter is native Hoosier now living in Moorpark, Calif. She has a master’s degree in theater from Indiana State University. While in school, her plays “Star Collector” and “Common Ground” were finalists in the American College Theater Festival One-Act Playwrighting Competition. Carpenter also has a master’s degree in theology and a black belt in tae kwon do.
Her initial book in the Sandy Fairfax Teen Idol series, “The Baffled Beatlemaniac Caper,” was a 2012 Eureka! Award finalist for best first mystery novel.
Her short story, “Dark Nights at the Deluxe Drive-in,” appears in the anthology “Last Exit to Murder.” “Faster Than a Speeding Bullet” was published in the “Plan B: Vol. 2” e-book anthology. Her short story “The Pie-eyed Spy” appeared in the Nov. 23, 2013, issue of Kings River Life ezine.
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