I know I told you I would describe a normal day in my life. I lied.
You see, as Head of Customer Relations (an ego-gratifying name for Chief Problem Solver and Resident Scapegoat) at the Babylon, Las Vegas’ newest, most over-the-top Strip casino, I don’t actually have a life. And if I did, it would be far from normal.
For instance, when Security finds a naked guest sleeping off a bender in a stairwell, I’m their go-to gal. As luck would have it, I can handle naked drunks with my eyes shut—which is often the best way to deal with nudity, my own included. I’m a stress eater, what can I say? And, in my line of work, the stress-vulture is permanently perched on my shoulder. So, the pounds linger. And I probably throw back more Wild Turkey 101 than any liver can handle, but I try not think about it.
When I’m not seeking fortification in Delilah’s Bar, I often I self-medicate in the Babylon’s twenty-four hour buffet, Nebuchadnezzar’s. A great escape, Neb’s is my hideaway where I can sample cuisine from all corners of the world without leaving Vegas. Of course, Vegas prides’ itself on bringing the world and all it’s delights to you.
And it’s my job to see it delivers. If you need a naked mariachi band for your soiree, a sex swing installed in your private suite, a seat at the primo table at the Adult Video Awards, or tickets to the Sex Toy Trade Show, I’m your gal. Lest you think that sex is all I peddle, let me assure you I can score the best seats at the most popular shows, the toughest table at the toniest restaurant, backstage passes, speedy entry past the velvet ropes, a good lawyer, a twenty-four hour bail bondsman, and a quickie divorce…although even in Vegas, marriage is much easier to get into than out of. Trust me on that one.
My staff can also get you properly accoutered and chase down wayward skivvies when you’ve misplaced them. In short, we are a full-service establishment. But, don’t go pouncing on the obvious—we do not procure partners. That part’s up to you.
Besides, I’ve got enough people in my life as it is without populating your fantasies. From my mother, Mona, a former bordello owner and permanent thorn in my side, to Teddie, my live-in who gave up a sweet deal as Vegas’ foremost female impersonator to dream of life on the road as a rock star, my life is fully populated. And my life wouldn’t be complete without this new French chef who loves jerking my chain…and yet, there’s this sizzle thing going on when we touch.
Complications, just what this simple gal needs.
Of course, though I might complain, I really love the ever-changing fabric of my life. I’ve dealt with porn stars with confidence issues, to swingers with blackmail issues, aging fighters with sixteen children and one last fight that could end not only his career, but his life as well, to aging matinee idols with huge secrets, hotel magnates on the ropes to stars toppling from grace. I’ve handled a girl falling from a helicopter disrupting the Pirate Show in front of the TI, to a truck jackknifing in front of the Babylon, snarling traffic and creating panic when it’s load of millions of angry honeybees escapes.
To be honest, living in this zoo keeps life interesting. Even when my buddy at Metro (the local police department), Detective Romeo, fished pieces of poor Numbers Neidermeyer from the shark tank at Mandalay Bay and came snooping in my neighborhood, looking for the killer.
I never know what’s coming next. Take this weekend. I’ve got the final show of the Calliope Girls, Vegas’ last true burlesque review. I’m the one who’s shutting them down. Although it’s necessary, I’m not feeling too good about it. In addition we have a meeting of the Magic Circle, the ruling class of the sleight-of-hand crowd, and the UFO folks will be in residence for their annual space alien hunt, which, between you and me, is just a great excuse for excesses of all kinds.
Who knows what might happen?
You can read more about Lucky in LUCKY STIFF, the second book in the “Lucky O’Toole Las Vegas Adventure” series.
My mother tells me I was born a very long time ago, but I’m not so sure—my mother can’t be trusted. These things I do know: I was raised in Texas on barbeque, Mexican food and beer. I currently reside in Las Vegas, where my friends assure me I cannot get into too much trouble. Silly people.
I am the author of WANNA GET LUCKY?, the first in the Lucky O’Toole Las Vegas Adventure series published by Forge Books in May of 2010. The second installment, LUCKY STIFF, was released February of 2011. The paperback is coming December 1st. The third, SO DAMN LUCKY, will be out February 28th, 2012. A novella, LUCKY IN LOVE, will be released to the digital market January 17th, 2012. Visit Deborah at http://deborahcoonts.com
Books are available at retail and online booksellers.