If I’m going to tell you about my so-called “average” day, I reckon I should begin with my morning. But that’s a rotten place to start. You might get a bad impression of me, because I hate mornings. I seriously, totally, flat-dab despise them.
Don’t get me wrong; a bunch of folks claim they aren’t morning people, but do they wish they could smack everybody with a brick who goes around smiling, singing, and opening window shades to let in all that “glorious sunlight” before the crack of noon? No, I didn’t think so. They don’t know what true hate is. I figure, if you’re in a good mood at that ungodly hour, you should keep it to yourself — or suffer the consequences. But that’s probably just me.
Anyway…once my eyes are one-quarter open, I stumble downstairs in my Minnie Mouse pajamas, feel my way to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of coffee that’s thick as Mississippi mud, and grab some high carb, zero nutrition, form of pastry. I shove it into my face as quickly as I can and wash it all down with the coffee. It’s kinda like getting shocked back to life by one of those defibrillator thingamajigs, only nicer. If any man or beast gets in my way during this process, God help ‘em.
Speaking of beasts, I’ve accomplished all this with two miniature black leopards, (really, just oversized housecats) making figure eights between my legs and meowing their indignation that I would feed myself before them. For years, Cleopatra and Diamante have tried to usurp my place as Queen of the Roost around here. It ain’t gonna happen. Never. Not until they start paying the mortgage.
Okay…sometimes I feed them first, if they meow loud enough and give me the ol’ sad eyes routine.
Later, though not late enough to suit me, my self-appointed “assistant” shows up. Tammy Hart is everything I’m not (especially in the morning.) Blond, perky, energetic, cheerful and — although she’s a bit of a ding-a-ling in other ways — smart as a weasel with a high school diploma when it comes to computers. Oh yeah, and she’s a size zero. I’m not a size zero. I’m voluptuous. In fact, I pretty much volupt here, there, and everywhere — a “woman of substance” and proud of it. I wouldn’t be scrawny like her for all of the Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey in the world. And I remind myself of that every time I see her bend over in a pair of tight jeans.
But in spite of her obvious failings, she’s a good kid, because she goes straight to the desk in the corner of my living room and fires up my old computer and starts “sleuthing” as she calls it. (Yes, she overdosed on Nancy Drew when she was a kid and so did I, but she never outgrew it.)
Did I mention I own a detective agency? No, I don’t think I did. Not enough coffee in the system yet.
Years ago, I was a detective with the San Carmelita Police Department. That ended badly. (Don’t get me started, I’ve got a 900 word limit here.) And now I’m a private investigator. My former partner, Dirk Coulter, helps me out with my cases. Though, more often than not, it’s me helping him on his. And if you’ve been paying attention, you may have noticed that he and I have drawn a bit closer lately. (wink, wink) What can I say? Like mildew on Thanksgiving leftovers, he sorta grew on me when I wasn’t payin’ attention.
And then we have the other members of the Moonlight Magnolia Detective Agency – Ryan Stone and John Gibson. Tall, dark, and delicious as a five layer chocolate cake, Ryan still sets my pitter to patting every time I see him. But there’s John, his partner — a British silver fox. It’s sad. Not for them, but for every female in their vicinity who vainly wishes they could lure them to the other side.
Then there’s the precious, honorary member of the team, my octogenarian grandmother. Though Granny Reid still lives in Georgia, she visits me from time to time here in sunny Southern California. And when she’s here, she does more than her part to help catch the bad guys — and occasionally, a wicked, wayward gal.
I figure Gran’s the reason I got into law enforcement and then became a P.I.. While raising me and my eight other siblings, she instilled in me a fierce sense of justice. Ever’ since that night, years ago, when I saw her whale the tar outta our neighbor with a twelve-inch frying pan for abusing his wife and children, I’ve had a clear vision of what a strong-minded woman could accomplish in this world.
So, for the rest of my “average” day — and often into the night — that’s what I do. I track down a few of society’s nastier members and try to get some measure of justice for their victims. And I eat good food. I cook and feed my loved ones. And I pet Diamante and Cleopatra and listen to them purr. And I annoy the heck outta Dirk by trying to improve his character.
All in all, I have a really, really good life.
Except for that rollin’ outta bed in the morning malarkey.
You can read more about Savannah in KILLER HONEYMOON, the 18th book in the “Savannah Reid” mystery series. The first book in the series is Just Desserts.
Meet the author
Since publication of her first novel in 1986, Sonja Massie has authored over fifty published works, including the highly popular and critically acclaimed SAVANNAH REID MYSTERIES under the pseudonym G. A. McKevett.
Sonja’s novels range from Irish historicals to contemporary thrillers. Her earthy humor and fast-paced plots delight her fans, while critics applaud her offbeat characterizations and incisive observations on human nature.
Irish by ancestry, Sonja has authored two non-fiction books on the history of Ireland: THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO IRISH HISTORY AND CULTURE and IRISH PRIDE: 101 REASONS TO BE PROUD YOU’RE IRISH. Both books impart detailed knowledge of the complex and controversial Irish story with a light hand and plenty of humor.
On nationwide tours, Sonja lectures to published and “pre-published” authors in her workshop, “The Novel Approach,” a seminar which covers such topics as: story structure, characterization, plotting, pacing, and marketing manuscripts.
Sonja has taught numerous courses at university and adult continuing education facilities including: general fiction, historical research, and mystery writing. She was managing editor at “Single Living” magazine and has functioned as a manuscript doctor and storyline editor for major publishers. Earlier in her career, she was a prolific ghostwriter, authoring both fictional and non-fictional books for celebrities and professionals.
Having lived in Los Angeles, Toronto, and County Kerry, Ireland, she now resides in New York.
Books are available at retail and online booksellers.