I’m swearing off men.
You would too if you’d found your hair stylist husband in flagrante dilecto with one of his hair models. In our own bed! So I’m divorcing the lowlife and attempting to boost my spirits by touring Cornwall with a lovable group of Iowa seniors who absolutely adore me. The tour stuff is handled by Emily Miceli, who was married to me for a brief time when we were both struggling actors in the Big Apple. I say “brief” because we parted ways when I ran off with another man, leaving Emily high and dry. My bad. But I think she’s forgiven me. We’ve become BFFs since I underwent gender reassignment surgery, transforming myself from Jack Potter to Jackie Thum, which is my married name, but not for much longer!
Being female is so much more rewarding than being a guy. It’s perfectly normal for me to chat with complete strangers about hormone replacement therapies and mammograms while we’re waiting in those endlessly long lines to use the ladies room. And I get to wear makeup, and stiletto heels, and sexy wigs that help disguise my identity when I’m helping Emily with her sleuthing. I’m good at tailing murder suspects. And I’m quite sure no one suspects that the six-foot transsexual skulking behind them in a wig and stiletto heels is me.
I rock disguises.
We’re being joined on our Cornish tour by several bloggers who are going to live-blog our daily adventures to their thousands of internet followers. Emily thought this was a great way to advertise her travel agency tour services, so she offered them discounted fares in exchange for their free commentaries. Only problem is, two of the female bloggers – the Jane Austen aficionados – are mixing with each other as well as oil mixes with water, and the chef at our inn, a shaven-headed hulk from New Jersey, seems to enjoy terrorizing the guests rather than cooking for them. Thank goodness for the mediating efforts of our genealogist blogger. She’s looking into our collective ancestries, and do you know what she found out about my forebears? They were famous bakers. So famous, that they became the premiere confectioners in the court of Henry VIII.
My ancestors catered to the culinary whims of British kings!
So here’s the thing. After my divorce goes through, I’m going to need permanent employment, and I’d love to find a job where I can travel to exotic locales, have all my expenses paid, hang out with the group, smooth the occasional ruffled feather, and schmooze with the tour director. A powder puff job that’s stress-free and pays lots of money. You know. A job like Emily’s. She says she’s going to have to check with her husband before she can offer me a position, but as luck would have it, she’s hiring me on a probationary basis because she thinks her grandmother needs help.
In the kitchen.
The kitchen of the historic inn where we’re staying.
Did I mention that the anti-social chef is no longer with us? Yup. He suffered an unfortunate accident that has left us chef-less. (Emily says accident, but I say murder. It’s always murder, which means, I’d better shake out my sleuthing wig.) So Mrs. S. volunteered for KP and Emily thinks that my latent culinary genes qualify me to assist her. Considering everything else that’s going on at the inn, Mrs. S. and I need to cook up a storm to help the guests cope with our sudden change in status from a luxury inn to a self-catering facility, with the inexplicable thievery, with the disappearance of one of our Iowa regulars, and with the tragic incident in the spa.
And I’ve just noticed that my sleuthing wig has gone missing.
But I remember unpacking it.
Hmm. I wonder what’s up with that?
You can read more about Jackie in Say No Moor, the 11th book in the “Passport to Peril” mystery series.
Tour escort Emily Andrew-Miceli’s plan to boost her business with social media threatens to backfire in merry old England
Hoping to reach an expanded clientele of senior travelers, Emily Andrew-Miceli invites a handful of bloggers to join her group’s tour of England’s Cornwall region. But when the quarrelsome host of a historic inn dies under suspicious circumstances, Emily worries that the bloggers’ online reviews will torpedo her travel agency.
To make matters worse, Emily is roped into running the inn, and not even a team effort from her friends can prevent impending disaster. As one guest goes missing and another turns up dead, Emily discovers that well-kept secrets can provide more than enough motive for murder.
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Giveaway: Leave a comment below for your chance to win a print copy of Say No Moor. U.S. entries only, please. The giveaway ends January 13, 2018. Good luck everyone!
About the author
Maddy Hunter is author of the nationally bestselling humorous Passport to Peril Mystery series featuring tour escort Emily Andrew Miceli and her band of globetrotting seniors. Say No Moor is book eleven in the series. Book twelve, Catch Me If Yukon, is scheduled to be released in December of 2018. Maddy lives in Madison, Wisconsin with her husband and a head full of Iowa seniors who keep asking, “Are we there yet?”
Reach out to Maddy on Facebook at @AuthorMaddyHunter.
All comments are welcomed.