Sometimes breaking up with someone is impossible. Trust me. I know. I make a living from it. I own and operate an on-line break up service, Splitsville.com. Why would I want such a ruthless job and break people’s hearts?
Easy. You can’t see people’s auras behind a monitor. You see, I have a “gift.” Well. . .my Aunt Matilda calls it a gift. I call it chains. I’ve never been able to hold down a job because when too many people’s auras collide, I faint.
It’s no fun walking around fainting all day. So a couple of years ago when Erin, my best friend, wanted to dump her boyfriend. She was a big chicken, so I did it for her. Called his ass up, broke the news and Splitsville.com was born.
Here’s how it works. Clients contact me through an online form where they give their name, email address, working phone number for the dumpee, reason for dumping, a few details of their relationship, and a picture of the victim and, the most important part, payment in full. The reason for the cashola up front was in case the dump was a joke. In that case, they deserved to lose their money for being an ass and I deserved to keep it for having to deal with them.
I offer three “Breakup” packages. The cheapest and most popular is “the general breakup” for a low price of fifty dollars. “The engagement breakup” is a little steeper at one hundred dollars. It totally should be more because I can’t imagine being in the fiancé’s shoes on this one. And the worst and most expensive breakup of all is “the divorce breakup” setting the big jerk or jerkette back a mere two hundred dollars.
Of course it’s all done under my alias, Jenn, because you wouldn’t believe how many death threats I get. Some might be harmless, but some I have to take as serious.
It just so happens that two of my clients showed up dead. Low and behold the police tracked me down through the internet and it’s gotten me into a lot of hot water. This is where my “gift” will come in handy.
Someone is setting me up. Little do they know I’m psychic. . .
You can read more about Olivia in the first book in the “Olivia Davis” paranormal mystery series.
** Thanks to the Tonya, I have two (2) digital copies of SPLITSVILLE.COM to give away for either the Kindle or the Nook. Contest ends May 25. Leave a valid-email address with your comment. The e-book will be sent directly from the author. **
Meet the author
Tonya writes fun humorous fiction about quirky characters in quirky situations, some with romance and some with a little mystery. More than anything Tonya loves to connect with readers! I’m a huge fan of them and LOVE getting to know them. I love to make readers smile, and remember not to take life to seriously. KARMA plays a big role in my life, and I believe in being kind to everyone, even if they aren’t kind back. I’m addicted to coffee, McDonald’s Diet Coke, and Red Hots Candy! When I’m not writing about quirky characters and even quirkier situations, I’m busy being the princess, queen and jester of my domain which includes my BFF husband, three teenage boys and two dogs. Visit Tonya at http://tonyakappes.blogspot.com
Books are available at online booksellers.
This sounds like a fantastic read. In fact, I must read it!!!
This sounds like a fun read.
Thanks, Sharon! Do you need to hire my break-up service to dump anyone???
Hahha! Lori….a day in my life is a big ball of hilarious to others. At least I can put a smile on someone’s face with my crazy life!
This sounds like a great time. I can’t wait to read it.
mary-fairchild@sbcglobal.net
Wow, I could have used a service like that back when I was young and stupid. Of course we didn’t have the internet then so we had to do our own dirty work. Oh well, I’d still love to win a copy to read during my vacation.
NoraAdrienne(at)gmail(dot)com
This book sounds Awesome! I’m definately putting this on my reading list (even if my reading list is only supposed to have Bouchercon authors on it – from June until the event in October) 🙂
I haven’t read this one yet. I’m really looking forward to reading it.
This looks like a great read.
This sounds like a hilarious concept for a series!! I would love to win a copy of the E-Book, please count me in!!
scrapgirl1467 (at) yahoo (dot) com
Thanks!
Who hasn’t wished they could get some help when trying to split up with someone? This should be a fun series to read–I’d like some laughs with my mystery.
suefarrell.farrell@gmail.com
Sound’s like a great book.
brn2shop9 at gmail dot com
This book sounds like a fun read!!! I could have used this service a time or two!
kewalker1972@gmail.com
Thanks Olivia for stopping by and telling us about your day.
Cool! count me in. (Nice blog post too!)
I’m sorry I left a comment and ran! But I had so many dumps to get done today…and do a little looky looky around, after all I think it’s going to be up to me to clear my name. I went undercover as a night-shift cleaning person at my dead client’s office, night shift because no-one else is working so their auras won’t bother me. I found a few clues to go on and will take a look at those after I get a few more dumps taken care of.
Would love to read it.
Delightful!!
I love the break up packages!
idlivru1(at)gmail(dot)com
Sure sounds like an interesting book.
Sounds like a Great Book
oh please enter me for the chance in this giveaway!!!
thank you!!
cyn209 at juno dot com