Where do I even begin? You might think life in a picturesque village like Speckled Hill would be all scones and serenity, but it’s more like dodging bullets in a pastel cardigan. Quaint and idyllic? The perfect retirement spot? Not likely. Here I am, hitting the big five-oh, knee-deep in debt, dealing with Mum’s tennis coach fling, and caring for Pops. Still, let’s talk about today—because it’s been a belter.

The chaos started with Franco’s van honking—subtle as a diamante brick through a window. Franco De’Angelo—florist extraordinaire and drama queen—was blocking the high street, delivering to Pamela Crouch’s doorstep. She was living in a fantasy world if she thought flowers could mask the burnt sugar smell from Cake Heaven after one of her experimental bakes.

“Darling.” Franco waved from his window, blonde locks gleaming. “Be a love and help me carry these in. I’m late for a bridal consult and these brides are like rabid rottweilers if you’re late.”

How could I say no? Unfortunately, he opened the rear door to a forest of lilies stacked to the ceiling. Franco’s jaw dropped. “What the… why are there so many? I asked for fifty lilies, not five thousand.” His face turned crimson.  “For the love of Gucci, my assistant must’ve added extra zeros!”

“Well, it’s not every day you get buried under a sea of flowers. Shall we?” I snorted—not my finest hour.

Wading through the blooms, I choked on the pollen. My throat itched, and I prayed no creepy crawlies had hitched a ride—I’m hypersensitive to anything with fur, feathers, or a heartbeat. But that’s life here—constantly dousing fires. Whether it’s Franco’s dramas or wrangling planning permissions for my new business, you pull on your big girl pants and get stuck in, even if it means an allergic meltdown.

***

After escaping the flower fiasco, I spotted my housemate Tracy juggling parcels outside the post office. “Sending out invitations to your fan club?”

“Hilarious. What’s your excuse for looking smug?”

“Surviving Franco’s lily debacle. But maybe you’re the one needing rescuing.”

Before Tracy could answer, Franco’s assistant Lily Duncan skidded over, flushed and breathless. “Come quick! I think someone’s in the shop—I heard noises in the back room.”

“Like what?” Tracy asked.

“Rustling, things clattering… like someone knocking things over. Franco’s out on deliveries and I’m too scared to check. Could you come?”

Tracy thrust her parcels into a passing villager’s arms, ignoring his protests. “Lead the way.”

While sprinting along the high street, we dodged a dog walker and skirted Melissa outside the Speckled Spa. She paused mid-sweep, her glittery Ugg boots catching the sunlight.

Bloom Boutique was eerily quiet inside, petals scattered on the floor, leading to the back. Tracy whispered, “What do you reckon?”

“Only one way to find out.”

We tiptoed through the shop, Lily close behind. Tracy grabbed a vase as I nudged open the backroom door.

A black-and-white blur darted past, knocking over a pile of ribbons. The invader fixed us with its beady eyes, paused, and then pecked at a roll of shiny foil.

Tracy cackled. “There’s your burglar! The Speckled Hill Magpie Marauder strikes again.”

After some frantic shooing, the bird hopped outside, ribbon still in its beak. Not quite the dramatic heist Lily had feared, but enough excitement for one day. “I’d say it’s time for a gin and tonic.”

And that’s where I ended up—a drink in hand at The King’s Head. Quiet village life? Hardly! But a shot of mayhem keeps things lively, right? Oh, my days; it’s just another ordinary day in the life of Chloe Essex.

The Only Way Is Murder, A Chloe Essex Cozy Mystery Book 1
Genre: Cozy Mystery
Release: July 2024
Format: Print, Digital
Purchase Link

Where fake tans and fake smiles abound, a dancing queen must tango with deception to unmask a murderer before the last curtain call.

As her 50th birthday approaches, Chloe Essex prepares to unveil her exciting new business venture in the quaint village of Speckled Hill. But her perfect celebration turns into a nightmare when she discovers her best friend dead in the marquee just before the big reveal.

Accused of murder, Chloe must navigate suspicious business dealings, catfights, and tangled love affairs to clear her name and salvage her reputation.

With secrets buried deep beneath a sea of Botox, Chloe must unmask the murderer before they bring the final curtain down on her.

Join Chloe to unravel the clues in The Only Way is Murder, a laugh-out-loud British contemporary cozy mystery where Miss Marple meets Barbie. But be warned, when laughter, intrigue, and murder combine, survival depends on unlimited supplies of fake tan and a vat of builders’ tea.

Chloe Essex Cozy Mysteries, by author Lou Collins, is a funny, clean, small-town, female amateur sleuth series perfect for fans of The Thursday Murder Club, Fethering Mysteries, Stephanie Plum, Miss Fortune Mysteries, and The Neurotic Hitwoman. While each mystery is a standalone, to avoid spoilers, the series is best read in order.

About the author
Lou Collins is a book lover on a mission to share the fun and friendship of smart, cozy mysteries. She’s always loved diving between the pages, dreaming of worlds where mystery and adventure await. Her stories bring Essex, England, to life with bling, banter, and baffling crimes that keep you guessing long past the first few pages. When she’s not crafting her next mystery, Lou enjoys ballet, theatre, and delving into true crime. She’s also on a crusade against ironing to squeeze more reading into each day!