The cold is slithering inside my coat, winding around the tiny gaps by the buttons, crawling up my sleeves, searching, searching for bare skin. Brrr. Shivering, I stamp my feet on the snowy trail and pull my earmuffs closer to my head, trying both to warm up and—even more important—to drown out the caroling that seems to float on the wind up here.
It’s not easy being an elf who hates the cold, hates Christmas, heck, hates everything about Christmas Town. It’s especially not easy being the prodigal elf, returning home from the great big world out there. But that’s who I am, Robbie the elf, and I’m about to apply for a job at Santa’s workshop.
To be honest, I’m a little nervous about the interview. Chances are, they’ll hire me without doing any background check. Because I’m an elf. Because it’s the busy season, two months before Christmas. Because, ultimately, they know me.
Or at least they think they do. They know the Robbie who was a mediocre student as a teenager, who didn’t pay much attention in elf class, who was itching to see the world. But they don’t know who I became in that outside world. Robbie the burglar. Robbie the ex-con. Robbie the elf bent on revenge.
I really hope I’m right and they don’t check on me before giving me a job, because I need a job in Santa’s factory in order to find my old girlfriend. After I got out of the joint, I wanted to thank her for squealing on me to the cops. But I’m no detective. Couldn’t find her anywhere. But Santa will know where she is. He can find anyone. I just need an in, and this job will give it to me.
I pull open the door to the workshop’s human resources office, gag as the smell of gingerbread assaults me, and head inside, hoping for the best. What happens next? You’ll need to read my story to find out.
Barb Goffman is giving away one (1) copy of DON’T GET MAD, GET EVEN. Leave a comment to be included in the giveaway. The book will be shipped directly from the author. Contest ends June 17; U.S. entries only.
Meet the author
Barb Goffman is the author of a bunch of crime stories, mostly about families, collected in the recently released book Don’t Get Mad, Get Even (Wildside Press). Barb’s short stories focus on families because the people you know best are the ones you’ll most likely want to kill. Or, at least that’s been her experience. Don’t Get Mad, Get Even contains fifteen stories, ranging from funny to dark, from amateur sleuth to police procedural. It has all of Barb’s award-nominated stories and five new ones, including one about Robbie the elf (does he get the job?).
Barb has been nominated for the Agatha Award five times, the Anthony Award twice, and the Macavity Award once. Her story “The Lord Is My Shamus” (available in Don’t Get Mad, Get Even) is currently up for the Anthony Award, to be given out at the Bouchercon mystery convention in September. In her spare time, Barb serves as a co-editor of the Chesapeake Crimes series (Wildside Press) and as program chair of the Malice Domestic mystery convention.
She’s an avid reader and a doting mom of a very cute dog. You can learn more about her and her stories at www.barbgoffman.com.
Books are available at retail and online booksellers.
An ex-con elf? different! Count me in…Dee
Woo hoo! Consider yourself counted, Deanna.
This sounds real cute.
Thanks, Nancy!
Looking forward to getting my eyes on this book, for sure. Not sure if it has a lot of humor or not, but it seems to have some tongue in cheek portions which I love, love, love. I have not ever read anything by you, Barb, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t read everything you write now that I have found out about you. This books sounds like something that would have me laughing out loud and maybe showing compassion to main character? which are two ways that I usually enjoy a book immensely. Obviously a good story is a big thing too!! 🙂 I will keep my fingers crossed to be the recipient of your giveaway, but……. I plan on ordering the book if not.
Keep up the great writing, Barb. Enjoy the weekend
And Hello to Dru too. Have a lovely weekend.
Cynthia
Thanks, Cynthia! I’m delighted to meet you. I hope you like the book.
Barb, Love the dark humor of “Christmas Surprise.” My favorite line in the story is “You haven’t really done prison time till you’ve done it as an elf.” My imagination really went there! 😉 Congrats on the collection!
I already have the book, Dru, so you don’t need to include me on the list.
Thanks, Kathryn. I really liked that line, too. Sometimes the writing just clicks, doesn’t it?
What fun. I like the very non-traditional elf. Hope he has good things in mind for when he finds his girlfriend, and not something terrible.
Actually, Maryann, I don’t want to mislead you. Robbie is bent on revenge, so his thoughts aren’t so pure. But the main characters in some of my other stories are nicer and also funny, if that helps.
I love dark humor! The story sounds brillant!
CarolNWong(at)aol(dot)com
Thanks, Carol! : )
I had forgotten about Robbie. Barb, you have a maliciously brilliant mind! I have a Kindle version of the book, but would love to have a hard copy signed by the author! Best wishes, Barb. Write on!
Thanks so much, Paula!
This one’s very different. I’d like to live vicariously through Robbie at least once. Sign me up, please. judydee22002@yahoo dot com
Good luck, Judy!
Oh, this one’s too cute to be true.. I gotta have it.
Thanks, NoraAdrienne. Good luck!
Sounds interesting, I could picture this in my mind, seeing Robbie , trying to play it cool, doing what need to be done to find his girlfriend. Going to add to my wish list & to be read. Already, got a smile on my face just thinking about the book.
Robbie definitely knows about keeping the long-term goal in mind, Teresa. Thanks for the interest, and keep smiling!
Thanks Barb for letting Robbie tell us his story.
Contest is closed.
Count me in. Anything Barb writes, I’d like to read.