Ever since Steve Huntington hired me to work undercover, my life has been chaos. The assignment was supposed to be simple: Just act rich and in need of illegal side deals to keep my wealthy lifestyle. It wasn’t my fault the wrong people were attracted to the deals!
Even though I helped catch a few executives emptying the cookie jar, Huntington hasn’t gone away. His latest project was supposed to be fun: “Just attend a garden party and obtain a copy of the guest list.”
I envisioned spring flowers in bloom, Buckingham Palace tea and elegant cakes. What I got was shoveling composted turkey manure for one of the elderly members of Dave’s Gardening Club. The head volunteer, Dave of Dave’s Garden, diligently wrote down names as we arrived. There was no hope of getting my hands on that paper unless I added pickpocket to my list of charms. He had stashed it in his front breast pocket, where it mocked me by hanging half out.
I shoveled turkey poop from the trailer into a wheelbarrow. Peter, a guy twice my age with a nicely trimmed beard, wheeled it to Dave. Dave and Alice spread the dirt in the raised garden bed. Several other ladies sat on the porch with Beatrice, the owner of the not-quite-garden. The ladies were enthusiastically helping Bea choose plants from Dave’s Garden catalog. Bea was not serving tea, but everyone was eating the chocolate chip cookies I had baked before I realized this was not an hors d’oeuvre type party.
As I waited for the wheelbarrow to return for a refill, a newcomer showed up. Eagerly, I hopped out of the trailer. I’d get his name and offer to add it to Dave’s list since he was busy shoveling.
The newcomer strode right past me and addressed the porch. “Beatrice?” He held a clipboard in one hand. His long, stringy hair didn’t hide the tattoos running up and down both arms.
Odd looking gardener. I was the youngest member by twenty years at twenty-seven. This guy looked early twenties, and was dressed like a rogue teen.
“I can add his name to the list,” I said to Dave, my hand outstretched.
“I’m here to fix the computer. It sent out a distress call,” Tattoo guy said.
His words set off dire warning signals. Not only was I a confirmed geek who worked at a computer company, I was well aware of scam artists who bilked little old ladies with fast-talking techno-babble. Computers didn’t send out distress signals. Once inside, no doubt he intended to rob her blind.
My plan to help Huntington obtain his list would have to wait.
“What’s the latest iPhone release?” I demanded.
“Hah?”
A true geek would not only know the answer, he would rattle off a comparison between it and the closest competitors.
“What kind of computer sent this call? Laptop? Tablet?”
The guy blinked behind his taped-together glasses. True geeks did not dress like rejects from Austin Powers.
“I can, uh, come back later.” He glanced nervously at the ladies on the porch. Two of them had caught on that he might not be legit. Both picked up garden trowels.
Dave stabbed his shovel in the dirt pile. “Mebbe you ought to show us your ID. Bea, you sign up with any computer services?”
Beatrice frowned, adding wrinkles she didn’t need. “I have an e-reader. Did it call?”
One of the ladies raised her hand trowel like a cavalry leader giving the order to charge. “He’s a fake!”
Tattoo guy threw the clipboard at Dave. I lunged, missing the tattoos, but snagging a handful of hair instead.
He yelped and took a swing at me.
One of ladies flew down the steps, but Dave, dodging the clipboard, stumbled into her. The lady behind the first crashed into them.
Tattoo guy shoved me into Dave.
I would have released his hair, but I needed something to cling to in order to stay upright. His hair wasn’t strong enough. We toppled like dominoes.
The ladies dove on the pile like crazed football players, swinging garden tools and purses.
“Hey, don’t throw the cookies!” I yelled.
In a mad scramble to avoid injury, I twisted around. An enticing white beacon flashed before my eyes. Carefully, oh so carefully, I slipped the list from Dave’s pocket as I rolled away from the group.
I stuffed it deep into my pocket.
Tattoo man didn’t have a chance. The ladies buried him under a pile of manure and called the cops. I was filthy from head to toe. But I had the list. Case closed. Well, Huntington had never said what he needed the list for, but it probably didn’t involve me. Right?
You can read more about Sedona in Executive Lunch, the first book in the “Sedona O’Hala” mystery series, published by Bear Mountain Books. The other books in the series are: Executive Retention and Executive Sick Days. Executive Dirt is due out in 2015.
GIVEAWAY: Leave a comment by 6 p.m. eastern on January 7 for the chance to win a digital copy of EXECUTIVE LUNCH. The giveaway is open to everyone.
Meet the author
Maria Schneider is the author of the humorous Sedona O’Hala mystery series. She loves to garden and cook, but she cannot sew. She sometimes wonders if her cats are part dragon, and she often consults with them on plot points because, dragon or not, they have mystical powers. Visit her blog at: www.BearMountainBooks.com or her Amazon author page.
I don’t get to read many humorous mysteries. Sounds interesting. servedogmom@yahoo.com
Sounds like an interesting mystery. I have not read one with a humorous and quirky twist to the storyline, but would like to start with this book.
Wow, Poop & cookies together again! This really got me laughing. Count me in as hoping to win this. Maria Schneider is a writer I want to follow. Thank you.
This looks to be both funny and interesting.
This cozy sounds like a lot of fun!
What fun!
Sounds like a lot of fun 🙂
Sounds good.
looks great, thank you!
What a great start! I would love to read the rest of the story.
Sounds interesting – have to add to my TBR pile. Thanks for the giveaway opportunity.
I loved this introduction to Executive Lunch! Thanks for putting the spotlight on Maria Schneider and Sedona O’Hala.
Sounds good. Thanks for the chance to win.
I’ve still got a big smile on my face after reading that. I want to read the book NOW!
suefarrell.farrell@gmail.com
This book sounds so funny! Thank you for the contest!
Just wanted to say that I read the first 3 books in this series quite some time ago and thoroughly enjoyed them. I am so glad Ms. Schneider is working on Book 4. Can’t wait to get my hands on it. I have Executive Lunch so please don’t add my name to the contest. I just wanted to let everyone know this is a fun series.
Great
This sounds like a welcome change of pace added to the cozy mystery venue. I am definitely going to be reading this!
Thanks Maria and Dru for the opportunity to add my name to the list of hopefuls in your giveaway.
Happy New Year!
Buried under a big pile of manure is exactly what he deserved! At the very least!
Yes computer geeks can be feisty when their paths are crossed. This sounds like a great read to start off the New Year.
Well, this certainly brings new meaning to the term “under cover”.
Hmmn…well this sounds interesting. Under what?
Marilyn ewatvess@yahoo.com
This would be a new author for me. It sounds good!
Great day in the life – after all what’s a day until you’ve rolled in manure?
This story is hysterical! I would love to read this and find out what was so important about the list! Thank you for the chance to win this!
My kind of book; who can’t use some humor each day!!! Happy New Year, Dru.
Cynthia
Sedona is one my all-time favorite sleuths, love that girl. I don’t want to be entered in the contest either, I’ve already read all the books – among my absolute favorites.
This sounds awesome. I shared it on my facebook Book Reviews page.
Sounds like a fun read. Always looking for new twists in the stories I read.
New series for me!!!!!!!!
Oneponychick66@hotmail.com
Love your books! lkleback@hotmail.com
Can’t wait to read
Sounds like a good read.
Always looking for something new to read!
Sounds like a great cozy book!
Would love to read this book
Now retired, but would like to see in your book is similar to my real late life.
Happy New Year! Sounds awesome!
I would love to win.
Lunch. Who had time to have lunch if you are always reading.
I live to read. I love to read
I love humorous cozies, and would love to read this series
sounds great, would love to win
This book sounds good. I haven’t heard of this one. Thank you.
I’m still wanting to read this.
Humorous mystery! I’m reading it especially since there’s 2 more in series. Thanks for the giveaway and I appreciate the digital format!
My kind of read.
I would love to read this book—thanks for the opportunity to win a copy!
interesting day
Sounds like a good book. Thanks for giving a copy away.
Now retired but would love to see if my real life is reflected
Can’t wait
On my must read list
Sounds like a fun read!
I loved the excerpt. This sounds like a funny series. I am not familiar with this author, but I think I need to check her out. Thanks for the chance.
contest is closed.
Thanks, Dru, for inviting Sedona to your blog!!! For anyone who wants another free Sedona short story, there is another one at my blog store for free download directly to your kindle; Executive Affairs is a free read. You can also find it at Kobobooks for free if you have an epub reader! Thanks again!